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the belly is not a drum  
12:10am 27/05/2008

The invention of cause is the reason for effect

The invention of the wheel is the cause of obesity

The invention of TV is an excuse to not communicate

The invention of the Thesaurus is the cause for really bad poetry

The invention of this blog post is for no reason


Enough of that. Finally we have warm weather. I think everyone is happier and healthier because the sun is shinning away on their cheek bones. However I have run out of hobbies and school work so I have my faithful companion live j.

This is an excerpt from the diary of Lieutenant Colonel Mervin Willett Gonin DSO who was among the first British soldiers to liberate Bergen-Belsen in 1945.


I can give no adequate description of the Horror Camp in which my men and myself were to spend the next month of our lives. It was just a barren wilderness, as bare as a chicken run. Corpses lay everywhere, some in huge piles, sometimes they lay singly or in pairs where they had fallen. It took a little time to get used to seeing men women and children collapse as you walked by them and to restrain oneself from going to their assistance. One had to get used early to the idea that the individual just did not count. One knew that five hundred a day were dying and that five hundred a day were going on dying for weeks before anything we could do would have the slightest effect. It was, however, not easy to watch a child choking to death from diptheria when you knew a tracheotomy and nursing would save it, one saw women drowning in their own vomit because they were too weak to turn over, and men eating worms as they clutched a half loaf of bread purely because they had to eat worms to live and now could scarcely tell the difference. Piles of corpses, naked and obscene, with a woman too weak to stand proping herself against them as she cooked the food we had given her over an open fire; men and women crouching down just anywhere in the open relieving themselves of the dysentary which was scouring their bowels, a woman standing stark naked washing herself with some issue soap in water from a tank in which the remains of a child floated. It was shortly after the British Red Cross arrived, though it may have no connection, that a very large quantity of lipstick arrived. This was not at all what we men wanted, we were screaming for hundreds and thousands of other things and I don't know who asked for lipstick. I wish so much that I could discover who did it, it was the action of genius, sheer unadulterated brilliance. I believe nothing did more for these internees than the lipstick. Women lay in bed with no sheets and no nightie but with scarlet red lips, you saw them wandering about with nothing but a blanket over their shoulders, but with scarlet red lips. I saw a woman dead on the post mortem table and clutched in her hand was a piece of lipstick. At last someone had done something to make them individuals again, they were someone, no longer merely the number tatooed on the arm. At last they could take an interest in their appearance. That lipstick started to give them back their humanity.

did you like that?

my last rant...

titled: Bad Music and Good Music

I've come to the realization that bad music is good music. Without the bad music there is no such thing as good music. The bad music makes the good music more enjoyable. If the bad music makes good music more enjoyable, then the bad music does a good deed, so therefore bad music is good. If bad music does good then bad music IS good.

thanks for reading. call me if you're ever in my area. i am always down to talk politics.

mood: bouncybouncy
music: frank zappa 200 motels........(i am going crazy listening to this)
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(no subject)  
03:06am 28/12/2007
Lucy is having a one year birthday bash tfriday at 6 pm (TOMORROW) please come!!! you know where i live. Call me f you some how need help or want help with something. 708 5266is my number. uhmmmmmmmm see you there! 
music: the day the niggaz took over - dr dre
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sunny days with westward winds will bring the essance of life to you  
07:00pm 10/12/2007
I think we are going to throw Lucy a birthday party because she is turning a YEAR (what the hell?!?!?!!!!!) If anyone still reads this, you are invited. Her birthday is on the 28th.  I am exhausted from working all day but I love my job and it's really paying off because I have money to start looking for my own apartment or house. I think I may go with a house. Once I get a house then comes a dog. I can't find any good book to read. 
mood: bouncybouncy
music: The silver saxophones say I should refuse you.
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Love isn't lying its loose in a lady who lingers, saying she is lost....  
02:34am 25/10/2007
Lucy is teething now(!) She keeps getting prettier. I am trying to pick up more hours at work. I now know how to work the register which is a lot of fun because customers tell you pointless facts about them. Ironic how spiritual combining two people can be over a rug or 45 dollar sheets payed for from the husband who is at work supporting luxury. But I really like it. I put a lot of pottery on hold so Brandon and I can have a glorious home with two cats in the yard, our life used to be so hard.  I wish my friends were still as much fun as they once were in highschool. Only had the minds they had now. I can't even talk to any one without them saying to me "how are you going to do it". my pops and mom and i all had dinner together. an odd observation is my mom won't let lucy have anything she is holding, although will pull harder. i also noticed she calls herself mom around her. i think i got too personal here.  putting up the christmas display (in october what the fuck) was tremendously exciting and it shouldn't be that way at all. they are just objects..... that hold significance meaning (why?). i want to buy cds tomorrow and i think i am going to buy a burzum album.  but probably not, instead i will buy the insignificant pottery i put on hold. anyway which this is all odd and i wish i had more friends to understand me, but whatever - because i am going to post lyrics to another song i am obsessing over

Oh my land is like a wild goose
Wanders all around everywhere
Trembles and it shakes till every tree is loose
It rolls the meadows and it rolls the nails
So take me down to your dance floor
And I wont mind the people when they stare
Paint a different color on your front door
And tomorrow we will still be there

Jesus built a ship to sing a song to
It sails the rivers and it sails the tide
Some of my friends don't know who they belong to
Some can't get a single thing to work inside
So take me down to your dance floor
And I wont mind the people when they stare
Paint a different color on your front door
And tomorrow we will still be there

I loved you every day and now I'm leaving
And I can see the sorrow in your eyes
I hope you know a lot more than you're believing
Just so the sun don't hurt ou when you cry
So take me down to your dance floor
And I wont mind the people when they stare
Paint a different color on your front door
And tomorrow we will still be there
And tomorrow we will still be there
mood: draineddrained
music: Gram Parsons & Lucy Crying is making me cry
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(no subject)  
02:53pm 22/10/2007
i have a job now. (thank you megan for telling me about it ) (and they are still hiring sam, if you want to tell amy about it again.. that she will basically be hired as soon as she applies which is a big plus AND they have very flexible hours, i know she was looking for that) 
i can't tell if it is colder in the house or outside but either way seeing lucy in a big sweater with pink cheeks is adorable 
i'm not sure what to do for her birthday in the winter or for brandon's which is on Tuesday
but at least dion is coming over later to celebrate his even though it was yesterday
i am glad i have a job even though i have taken a vow to purchase less, money is the thing to have
mood: hopefulhopeful
music: bob dylan's nashville skyline on repeat
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(no subject)  
05:27am 05/10/2007
I should have never picked up 1984 and started to read it again. It's just a book. Why do I find such a significance in it? They are just words. The beginning, my favorite part, is the worst. It's an awful connection to my life but it somehow in an uneasy way is really beautiful to me. It brings back so many things that have just been so excellent, although I think at the times they were happening it was in reality, a fantasy I dissolved into. There were a lot of beautiful moments back then and I have seemed to connect them to the part when Winston and Julia are finally alone. It still can't click into my brain with words but the feelings that I shouldn't even feel are so nostalgic and familiar, it's cute, like when i found willy mason on my computer and it reminded me of driving with nick in his car on acid.  also i am trying to convince myself i like the flaming lips but i don't know if it is working. 
mood: awake
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And I opened my heart to the whole universe, and I found it was loving  
01:51am 16/09/2007
this weather is just sitting in my chest. i really like the kind of weather where you can put on a sweater and then you are good to go. more or less when you ride a bike for a while and then the air just sits in your chest. i hope to see more people soon even though i have nothing to say that has power or will mean something, whatever. it was fun to laugh aimlessly around a campfire i feel so off page with folks now that i have a daughter. my whole life was a petty attempt to break free and now i see things about as bland as toast. ( i don't know how legitimate of a statement that is. i think i still come off crazy ) they want us folks in the neighborhood to pay 300 dollars for a mailbox that looks exactly like everyone else's. i think i may make a flyer that says "wheres your originality? " and pass it to those that already bought the mailboxes because i feel that your mailbox can say a lot about who you are. i can't wait to be driving my mini van soon and crushing skulls with Lucy yelling "gee" in the breeze. I enjoy this independant feeling. I hope it exceeds into having my own kitchen and windows very very soon. Maybe I will waitress. 
mood: ditzyditzy
music: the byrds "5D"
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She used my head like a Revolver  
02:27am 20/08/2007
they really don't make movies like they used to. i wasn't even born for more than half of those so what am i talking about. Neither were you.
I always want to write in livejournal because it is a journal but once i click on this site there isn't much to say. Now that my teen angst is gone this isn't fun anymore.
mood: awake
music: t rex
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(no subject)  
05:03pm 06/08/2007

I am starting to help out my body. Excersizing at 5 AM is probably the most refreshing thing I have encountered in the past while. It's something you should do, not quite at 5 AM, but if you ever get the chance to just stretch yourself out - it's pretty up there on the list.
I finished a book too. A real short one, so now I am starting another. It was titled Burning Bright and I really really liked it. It was Stienbeck's attempt at writing a play - or rather, just writing a book as a play and not really a play. WHATEVER. It was great. 
I just had to come to LJ to tell Joel, the king of internet, that we will be out of town this weekend.

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(no subject)  
04:45pm 30/07/2007

What's to say that's already been said?

mood: hothot
music: crosby stills nash "almost cut my hair"
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